I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
