I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
