I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
