Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
