PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
