i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
