when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize