what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
