Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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