her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
