I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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