Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
