Can i not drive my cunt home
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
