i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
