Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
