If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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