I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
