I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
