You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
