i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
