Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
