What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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