I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize