i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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