So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
