i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
