Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
