I think I am morally bankrupt
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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