I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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