remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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