he wants to bone in the snuggie
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
