I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
