please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
