There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
