We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
