I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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