I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
