the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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