my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
