Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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