My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
