Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
