i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
