i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
