I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
