i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
