Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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