You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
