Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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