I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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