ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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