I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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