smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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