i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
