Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
