Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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