Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
