I skipped work to stalk him.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
