Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
