Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
