I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
