Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
