This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
