Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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