she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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