Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Bring me that man meat
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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