Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
