Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
