Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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