You can't motorboat a personality
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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