franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I party with great urgency now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
