When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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