I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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