We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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