I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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