Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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