Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
As shirtless as possible
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
