she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
