I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
